last: prepping for the tour and the record. also another friend from college has popped up in LA. and it's weird that I'm set up enough -- to a point -- that i actually have good contacts for her to find work. at least it's weird to me. also figuring out my benefits for the newly-permanant gig. how much should i withhold for my 401k?

current: isn't it about time for the 17-year cicadas to come back with a vengeance? i miss them.

next: no late nights this weekend, things to do every morning. but then a 2 week rock and roll vacation.

note: both walkmen shows @ the Troubador in LA are sold out. another LA show was just added, Sun. Feb 2nd @ the Echo in Echo Park. tickets through ticketweb.

last: god damn that water was cold, in the river at the bottom of the cliff, and i would have jumped again, but it was so, so cold. scary cold. but only in the water. in the sun it was probably 70 or 80 and i dried off and warmed up quickly and thought to myself that it was the middle of january and i drove 20 minutes from home and jumped off a cliff into a river and here i was quite comfortable in the sun wearing only athletic shorts and yeah, there's no subway here, but ACES! los angeles wins again!

current: finally got hired on at my office, after 9 months, a bit of a raise and benefits, so i can finally go in to the doctor and find out why all my toes look purple and whether they can re-attach my finger. also getting ready for the walkmen tour. i will be the "tour manager." that basically means just driving and dealing with some $ issues with the club. it's more like a well deserved rock and roll vacation.

i was home (dc) for 2 weeks over the holidays, but it wasn't a vacation. family issues made that trip rewarding and valuable, but anything but restful. in short: my grandmother had a stroke a few months ago. she is maybe half there, mentally, and her body is deteriorating. i visited her every day or every other day when i was in town (i was in NYC for nye.2k3). most of the visits were quiet, and we would talk some, about nothing important, while she ate lunch. the last visit was different. she knew that i was leaving, and that it would be a long time before she saw me again, if she ever saw me again. i sat with her while she ate lunch, and when she was done i wheeled her into her room. i told her i would miss her while i was gone. she started to cry softly. she said that she was really lonely there, and that wished that i had gotten to know my grandfather -- that he was a wonderful man. He had died of cancer while my mother was in high school. in November my "step-grandfather," her "boyfriend" of 30 or so years, had died suddenly (he slipped on the ice outside their home one night during a snowstorm and was found there the next morning). My grandmother had been disoriented on and off, confused about where she was and why she was there, since she had been in the nursing home. but on this day, 24 hours before i flew back to california, we talked for about half an hour, telling me about the good times and regrets of her life, in a way that we had never talked before. i could tell it was taking all her strength to keep her mind focused -- this was the most lucid i had seen her since her stroke. "sometimes life doesn't turn out like you thought it would, like you wanted it to." i left after an embrace, tearing if not crying, thankful that i had had those moments with my grandmother, and doubting that we would have ever communicated so purely had she never gotten sick.

next: if you're on the west coast, go here and come find me at the show when I'm in your town. I will probably be the guy slinging walkmen merchandise when they're playing. yep, 'slangin' merch,' that's the life for me. if you mention that you read me, i might be able to hook up a discount. maybe not. i need to get my car washed and tuned up, then roar up the coast. no christmas while i'm driving, indeed.

last: out drinking. keifer sutherland was behind the bar. the bartender girls were screaming, but not about him. they had been drinking all day and one had a nelly style band aid in the middle of hr forehead from when she had been dangled down a storm drain to save her cell phone. when she was pulled up she said she looked like carrie. good times.

current: writing here: mainly to indicate bizzare search term of the day: incubus smokes pot. clearly they do. but i still don't understand why they have to include me. dope is for dopes. and stoners can't get boners.

next: cliff jumping in malibu creek canyon state park. i worry that it might be a bit cold in the water, but fuck, it's january and these are the good old days and we are living and breathing so fuck it lets jump.

hot dog, we have a weiner

"bizzare search term that led someone here"-of-the-day:

vietnamese like tall guys

why is it that every time i think about writing fiction the first image that creeps in my head is someone crouched underneath a tree like those hobbits in fellowship with bombs dropping in the distance?

web sites whose probable non-existence makes me sure the full promise of the internet has not yet been fullfilled:

www.gaypeopletolerateus.com
www.emotionariel.com (sharon or little mermaid)
www.ratemyratemyrackstylewebsite.com

and a somewhat private note that I can't put on someone else's blog because she doesn't have a commenting thing: in reverse order:
3) I know. you got a problem with that?
2) yes, in an existential way. but to continue the metaphor the funny sentences are actually broken down into component words and letters and either pissed out (metaphorically, of course) or recycled into new funny sentences. but they lose any chance to grow into anything greater in the fertile, nutrient-ritch ovum of your commenting system.
1) i was too late for yaccs as well. i sucked it up and went with enetation but there's something called kilinkfamily which is new and a bunch of others and that's not really any excuse now is it? feel free to respond in the comments thing, babe. that's what it's for.

search terms that have led people here:
girls like mohawks shirt
skinhead chelsea haircut pics
punks mohawks pictures
faux hawk
pictures of girls with mohawks
girl mohawks

the moral: dudes dig chicks with mohawks.

also, i'm really happy that somewhere out there somebody just typed 'faux hawk' into google.

things i have learned since getting a counter on my page 2 days ago:
-i'm getting 100 hits or so a day. deck.
-there is a message board called Lets Talk About Hair (aka LTAH)
-they're talking about free mohawks
-9 hits from cincinnati, 2 from uk, 1 each from netherlands, austria, and finland
-it should be noted random house is in the house. shout outs to nyc.
-the banner ad is working.
-free copy of paint louis 98 or, eventually, the recoys record, to the first person who figures out where on the internet the banner ad is.
-people i have already told are not elligible.

edit to add- i have also learned i am a complete fucking dork, but somewhere in the back if my head i already knew that one.

welcome to all the newly linked. it is a pleasure to have you. coming in may, if you don't know by now:
The Recoys: Rekoys, 8 songs from the now defunct band featuring members of the walkmen and the french kicks. this includes 3 songs from their first EP and 5 never-released songs from what would have been their first full length, That Girl's a Decoy. this'll be a joint release by troubleman unlimited and realistic records (myself and my friend max). I'll have the label logo up in a day or so for you to critique. available in stores everywhere, or from this and other web sites.

speaking of which, why has no one bought paint louis yet? e-commerce, baby. is it too pricey? do you already have it? do you not know what the fuck it is? do you not know that I'll send you weird stuff i have in my house for ordering it?!?

come on kids, show off your haircuts!

/click\
TV VO: Even Terrorists Love Raymond is brought to you by NIOC, the New Iraqi Oil Concern, and Dubyabrau. We'll be back after this.

fade to black.

fade in to a pregnant arab woman in western dress walking with her mid-thirties husband on hollywood boulevard, passing by Mann's Chinese theater, taking pictures of the star's handprints and smiling wide-eyed at the mock glamour of it all. a black car obscures them in the frame. we can see the seal of the new homeland security dept. on the side of the vehicle. two strapping young men get out of the car, wearing khaki uniforms with red, white and blue armbands. they have dark cop sunglasses on. they approach the couple.

HSD officer 1 (affected german accent): paypahhz?! let me see your paypahhz!
man (reaching into his pocket, no accent whatsoever): excuse me?
HSD 2 (poking pregnant wife's belly, manhandling her breasts): johann, i think she hahs a bowmb heyahh.
man (red-faced, furious, makes a move toward HSD 2): who the fu-
HSD 1 holds back man, who continues struggling. HSD 1 knocks him cold with an elbow as HSD 2 starts removing the woman's shirt to get a look at her belly. she is crying uncontrolably.
HSD 1 (looking down at man): do naht rezist uhhs

Quick vertical wipe to black screen, accompanied by /wooooshthump\. Yellow letters & voiceover: SECURITY.
Horizontal wipe, /wooooshthump\. a cold can of Dubyabrau.
Vertical wipe, /wooooshthump\. Yellow letters & voiceover: BEER.
VO: Dubyabrau. Creepy fucking Nazi for "beer"
fade to black.
VO: and now back to Even Terrorists Love Raymond
\click/

speaking of selling out, you can now buy a copy of paint louis 98, an emmy-winning graffiti documentary i made with some friends, with a credit card or paypal, by clicking on the left. bling.

congrats to the walkmen for getting "we've been had" placed in a saturn ad. i was over at their message board, and this guy thought it wrong to sell their tune to a car company:
----------
Name: Andy
E-mail address: nine_inch_andy@hotmail.com
Comments: I gotta be honest. I've been a pretty big advocate of The Walkmen for close to a year now but yesterday as I was sitting at the computer, I heard a familiar piano lick coming from the TV in the other room. My friend and I damn near knocked over our chairs scrambling to the television. "We've Been Had" on a goddamned car commercial!? I'm not one of those elitist music fans who turns their back on a band once they make it big and there's nothing wrong with wanting exposure so as to get your music out to people... but car commercials? If only the band knew how much their music means to some people, I doubt they'd sell it off to some evil corporation. What was it? The money? Exposure? Free cars? I'm still a fan but I know some friends of mine, who, as a result of this, aren't.Monday, January 13th 2003 - 06:05:18 AM
-----------

and i disagreed. my response ended up being long, with pretty good grammar, so i figured I'd post it here, too:
------------
'corporate is the new indie'

do you ever buy major label music? the majors right now are all, for the most part bits of large evil multinationals and you're payin their bills. do you ever listen to the radio anywhere on the dial to the right of say 92 FM? clear channel owns all those radio stations, for the most part, and they are not really a mom and pop either. mtv is a tentacle of viacom, every band on there is making money for a evil capitalist behemoth.

tv commercials are one of the few avenues left these days available to artists that are trying to operate independently and still have their music heard by as many people as possible. radio and mtv are on lockdown by the majors through the payola system that's been coming to light in the past year or two and other kickbacks and favors between stations and labels. getting a song placed in a commercial, on the other hand, allows a band to get paid for their music, as opposed to paying for promotion, and in the long run will give them more freedom to operate independently of the evil corporations you're talking about. they get the exposure reserved in today's system for major label artists without signing some shitty contract that will leave them broke and forgotten if they sell less than a million copies. they get a nice chunk of change to keep them from needing to sign aforementioned shitty contract. this commercial just might help them remain independent and avoid major label pressure to change the music you hold so dear in search of a pop hit.

i understand the concern, as a listener, about keeping control of the context in which you experience a particular piece of art, and the duty you feel an artist has to protect that context for you. this is not something I am trying to brush aside, but i think that this saturn commercial is, if you don't like it, no worse than a video that you don't particularly dig. protect the context yourself if it is that important to you. close your eyes and cover your ears.

i think it's actually kind of a cool commercial: kinda clever, used the song well, actually communicates to a degree with the lyrics of the song (especially the ones that aren't used in the spot, interestingly enough). it doesn't ruin the song for me.

as a totally unrelated sidenote i thought that last years VW ad where the guy was rushing to stop a wedding was one of the most beautiful and well made 30 seconds of film/tv from the whole year.
--------
am i wrong about this? i could be missing something, or maybe i've just got their back because they're my friends and I'm driving their tour bus again at the end of the month, but i doubt it. anyway let me know what you think.

as promised, christmas eve vs. the terrible cheese monster do not read during or near meals.

'twas the night before xmas and all through the house
not a wheaton was stirring or clicking a mouse,
save buck, who was perched o'er the porc'lin with care
with hopes that saint puking no longer'd be there.

flash back a few hours, 'fore the family dinner:
he'd done nothing wrong, didn't feel like a sinner
just sat by the fire in his christmas best
and forgotten that lactose he couldn't digest.

he'd had cheese and crackers with all of his kin
that appetized tummies for the coming din.
at least for his family it had that effect,
but for buck, our poor buck, well, his stomach was wreck'd!

for an hour or two, his guts they well held
but soon it was clear: the cheese must be expell'd!
and how could it go, but through those too holes
conveniently placed at his north and south poles?

such terrors! continuing straight through the night
untill christmas morning revealed it's first light.
his heart, it was full, but his body was hurting,
[and here i refuse to rhyme that line with 'squirting']

but christmas went on, the whole family together!
a sick, beaten man? no! he's tougher than leather!
and the last words we heard from this poor tired sap?
merry christmas to all, and now i need a nap!

free mohawks

you may remember the 'free mohawks' piece from this last summer. it is now a featured article at my boy mark's project a-diction. please enjoy and check out the rest of the site, which, in mid nineties terms, is flavor.

Coffee, Tea, or Should We Feel Your Pregnant Wife’s Breasts Before Throwing You in a Cell at the Airport and Then Lying About Why We Put You There? by Nicholas Monahan

i link this just to make sure you had read this. from now on i will allways request a private screening room when i pass through security, not because i really give a shit, but because it is apparently one of our rights and i want to make sure the TSA doesn't start to forget that.