Monday, January 13, 2003

TV VO: Even Terrorists Love Raymond is brought to you by NIOC, the New Iraqi Oil Concern, and Dubyabrau. We'll be back after this.

fade to black.

fade in to a pregnant arab woman in western dress walking with her mid-thirties husband on hollywood boulevard, passing by Mann's Chinese theater, taking pictures of the star's handprints and smiling wide-eyed at the mock glamour of it all. a black car obscures them in the frame. we can see the seal of the new homeland security dept. on the side of the vehicle. two strapping young men get out of the car, wearing khaki uniforms with red, white and blue armbands. they have dark cop sunglasses on. they approach the couple.

HSD officer 1 (affected german accent): paypahhz?! let me see your paypahhz!
man (reaching into his pocket, no accent whatsoever): excuse me?
HSD 2 (poking pregnant wife's belly, manhandling her breasts): johann, i think she hahs a bowmb heyahh.
man (red-faced, furious, makes a move toward HSD 2): who the fu-
HSD 1 holds back man, who continues struggling. HSD 1 knocks him cold with an elbow as HSD 2 starts removing the woman's shirt to get a look at her belly. she is crying uncontrolably.
HSD 1 (looking down at man): do naht rezist uhhs

Quick vertical wipe to black screen, accompanied by /wooooshthump\. Yellow letters & voiceover: SECURITY.
Horizontal wipe, /wooooshthump\. a cold can of Dubyabrau.
Vertical wipe, /wooooshthump\. Yellow letters & voiceover: BEER.
VO: Dubyabrau. Creepy fucking Nazi for "beer"
fade to black.
VO: and now back to Even Terrorists Love Raymond

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